Upon arriving in the South of France, my body instinctively knew what I needed to release. Almost immediately, I developed a cold and severe chest infection that felt unlike anything I had experienced before. At times, lying down felt like drowning; catching my breath was nearly impossible. Not the ideal beginning to a family holiday with my two beautiful grandsons.
However, on a soul level it was EXACTLY what I was needing. I was being given the most perfect opportunity to mother myself, even though my heart wanted to help and play with the children, at times it was just not possible.
The “Mother Mary Wound” typiically is associated with feelings of abandonment, loss or emotional pain that can be traced back to maternal relationships. It can symbolise the deep-seated issues related to nurturing, protection and love. Drawing on the figure of Mother Mary as a symbol of unconditional love and compassion.
If we experienced those feelings of abandonment, loss or emotional pain as a child then we may find it hard to say NO, put ourselves first and to not fall into the trap of feeling guilty about honouring and loving ourselves first and foremost. At times, I found myself saying I was fine, and joining in activities and excursions when I didn’t really feel up to it. And, of course, this just prolonged my illness.
One day when I was out exploring the local area I stumbled across this image of Mother Mary. Knowing that nothing is a coincidence I spent some time connecting with her.
As I did, I felt my chest really tense up, it felt like a pressure cooker that was in desperate need of release. As I was sheltering from the heat of the day in a shaded spot listening to Mother Mary she brought through a message for us all.
“My children, I love you so much, there is nothing more powerful than a mother’s love and it saddens me to watch you be so hard on yourselves, to forget yourselves, to loose yourselves in your daily lives. Please remember that each and everyone of you deserves love and when you know and understand this you will treat yourselves differently. You will: Ask for help and feel no guilt around loving and nurturing yourself as a mother would, you will expect great things to be always here for you. You will know that a Mother’s love is endless so you don’t have to do it all.”
Immediately I felt the relief in my body from the chest tension, but then something else happened that really surprised me. I got angry!!!! I could feel this in my solar plexus region. This unfolded over the days and weeks to come as memories came to mind where I had felt I had been expected to do things and hadn’t asked for help, where I had felt so alone and abandoned. I felt like I had to do it all which had created me to be hyper-independant, which is a trauma response. After weeks of many memories surfacing at various times and feeling resentful I finally realised all these memories were coming to the surface to be released and finally let go of. I went over all those memories and sent love to that younger me and hugged her telling her that she now had skills and resources and beliefs that she would no longer attract those experiences in her life. I forgave myself for tolerating behaviour that wasn’t of love and allowed that younger me to grow up into the present me with this forgiveness inside.
In amongst all of that I also had a wonderful time seeing beautiful Provence and then our holiday was over and it was time to travel back to London.
After another 3 glorious weeks in London we were about to fly home and lo and behold I developed another chest infection. So I knew that there was more long standing grief to be let go of. Once I settled back home again, I felt compelled to take myself through a pastlife regression to uncover deeper insights. I revisited a memory from a time in the South of France way back in the fifteenth century where I had been a healer responsible for others’ deaths. Having explored this pastlife before, I was curious as to why I was drawn back there. This time, however, I was guided to rewrite the ending of that life, allowing both myself and those who perished to be saved. I experienced such a sense of relief once I had witnessed this pastlife having a different outcome. I had been saved, I had been nurtured. The divine mother, Mother Mary, had not abandoned me. I am always being looked after and cared for. I just didn’t know it back then.
We are in very exciting times at the moment and many people are being challenged in various ways. On a spiritual level this is so we can remember that we are never alone and that Mother Mary is here for each and every one of us. If you are going through difficulties I send you all my love as you navigate this time in your life. I invite you, too, to connect with the energy of Mother Mary and trust that you WILL be looked after, that you CAN reach out for help, and that you have NOT been abandoned.
Everything is an inside job. When we heal the past (whether this life or another) we then change our futures. Please reach out if you are needing support.
